(I am writing this entry partially in English to welcome more parents' advice and feedback).
隨著小米慢慢進入六歲，上了kindergarten，
漸漸的我體驗到需要操心他生活照顧相對減低，而生活教育與學習經驗相對提高。
自己主動漱洗穿衣，依照時間作息只需提點，
幫助他適應學習的作息，培養主動開心學習的心情，
接受孩子個性的弱點，五歲半的孩子在許多時候，
看在父母眼裡，是個溫順且可人的女孩。
逐漸的，我也發現自己並無需擔憂過多的學習，
主動且靈敏的孩子，只需要持續提供他發現事務的機會與學習動機，
時機成熟，克服陌生，推波助瀾也應能水倒渠成。
然後更加體驗，人生的擁有與成敗，一大半取決於性格與機會。
這件"友情贊助事件"已發生好些天，做母親的仍然反覆思考我的處理方式。
小米學校有整週的書展，書籍都打蠻大的折扣，
一方面是新鮮，一方面也是第一次經驗，
五歲半的孩子從學校傳話回來有時還是讓媽媽霧煞煞。
接孩子的一天放學跟老師確認，班上會先到圖書館一次，
幫忙孩子抄下想買的書籍與價錢回家跟家長討論決定要買的故事書，
小米抄了五本故事書名回家，討論過後，女兒同意購買一到兩本。
女兒興奮的從撲滿裡拿出壓歲錢十元大洋，準備週五到學校購買。
我跟女兒有了這樣的討論，若是他買兩本（每本接近＄5），十元接近花光，
如果只購買一本，撲滿可以放回五元，
這也算是練習數學概念跟學習節省的概念，
我讓女兒自己到學校決定，畢竟這是他自己的錢，
出門前，小米跟我說他打算只買一本就好。
當天放學，女兒手上拿著兩本書從教室走出來，
單純天真的跟我說：Ms. April wants me to give you another book.
"You brought two books?" I asked.
"No. I only brought one but I brought another one for E. But Ms. April said I have to ask you if I can give E the book".
"You what??"I was confused.
We stood in front of the school and had all these clarifications.
The story was~My little K originally decided as what she planned, grabbed one book to the casher and brought it. She has a little more than $5 back to her. Then this girlfriend who plays with her a lot at school came to her, asked ""can you "buy" (not borrow) this book for me?""(I was aware from time to time that this girl is somehow needed type.
Of course, my naive KK paid for her girlfriend. Ms. April saw it and told KK nicely that she has to check with me before giving her friend "the gift". She also needs to talk to me of what has happened (poor public school teacher probably has no time to handle this matter that day).
在跟女兒討論這件事情的過程，
讓我更加認識這大愛的獅子座，將來大概是那種義氣大方的孩子。
他對朋友的博愛與照顧可能遺傳到媽咪對人的厚愛，
卻讓我看到他容易受同儕影響的傻勁。
But what we had spent more time talking was the thing I liked her to learn on this matter.
KK shared with me the underline reason for her decision to buy a book for her friend is that ~ So E will like to play with me more. So that E will like me.
(the OS inside me~oh no, is this coming already? a school age girl socialization issue? )
1.We spent time on the sofa "chat" about the a True Friendship is not to PLEASE someone to get it.
(i actually use role exchange for her to experience if she were her friend. KK was able to tell me that even if she gets a gift from her friend, it will not make her want to play with her friend just because of it).
2.If some one has not been nice to you, it is time to think if it worths to spend that much time with the friend.
3.Talked to mommy and daddy of friendship that bothers you.
4. 吵架 is quite fine between friends and that happens. K can start to think about who is worth to play with and who may not, if any.
5. If something is not your fault, don't take it just because you feel bad or guilty (No. I cannot help to teach my girl to be tough if needed).
女孩開心滿意的一口氣讀完兩本書。
只是做媽的卻反覆想著這樣的處置，
唉！也是第一次做爸媽，誰又知道怎麼當爸媽ㄋ。
有多希望，有群當爸媽的朋友能不時交換教養經驗阿。
心理問著：1.我這樣處理好ㄇ？孩子到底懂多少ㄋ。Am I doing it right? how much does KK get it?
2.是不是不該給五六孩子十元帶到學校，做什麼買幾本書的決定ㄋ。
Is 10 bucks too much for her to handle at school?
3. 對方孩子的父母需不需要也知道他女兒開口請別人買東西的事情ㄋ。
（不過美國社會一向是把自己孩子的行為先管好吧？）
Will another girl's parents appreciate know their daughter's behavior?
4. 孩子是不是過的太幸福沒有省錢的概念？
At least, this has made clear between Daddy, Mommy, and KK.
Rule #1: You cannot buy things for friends or lend money to them before asking dad and mom. (K said, but you were not there). If we were not there, it means you cannot!
Rule #2: We only buy gifts to friends if it is their party or exchange gifts.
話說回來，我怎麼會有這樣天真又天兵的女兒阿！
5 則留言:
Very like katelyn. She is a very generous child, maybe it does not have to be a binary choice, she does not have to say no, but needs to know how to reserve her right ... "I will buy for you now if you pay me back" but then she has to carry through and ask for her friend to pay back, very hard lessons.
Thanks, Sylv 阿姨。
it is a hard lesson for 5 years old. I think it is a good one. It can be a bit too young for her age to explain what you said although that across my mind as well..i can lend you money and pay me back. i don't think she is getting lend money idea much yet.
What you said about K's personality is something i real learn. She is very generous 沒有私心跟大方的孩子。他也不太會記仇，忘記就忘了。我知道這是一體兩面，也是他將來的好優點。sometimes you just start to see how your child will turn out so different than you!
OH, adding something about her generosity. she really likes to give the book to her friend. I double check and she said "it is ok to give friends things if they really want it but have no money".
i am sure when she is getting more concepts on money, this matter way turn out differently.
a cute age.
I thought the big thing out of this was the fact that she thought buying things will make someone like her more. And it sounded like you handled that well.
As for the money, I feel that it's good to let kids figure out how to spend their money, with your guidance.
It would be nice if the other parent is made aware of the situation, maybe have the teacher tell them?
孩子是不是過的太幸福沒有省錢的概念...
that's a hard one. We know our kids will just not have same idea of money as us because they are more 幸福 than us. But it that a bad thing? You could argue that Donald Trump's kids 太幸福 as well. As long are you're teaching them the concept it's good no? And that's what you're doing here.
Don't you think it's the great thing about parenting that there's what you think will happen when you try to teach them a lesson and they throw you a curve ball and something else unexpected happens instead?
At this age kids don't necessary have the concept of currency, and that applies to both Katelyn and her little friend. Katelyn probably didn't think it's a big deal to buy a book for her friend since she can afford, and her friend probably didn't think it's a big deal to ask either. I do think it's kinda cute that Katelyn did this....she's a sweet girl for sure :)
Peer pressure is something that almost all kids have to go through. My opinion is - as long as we set some ground rules up front (no smoking, no drug, no stealing...etc.), I wouldn't worry too much about my kids doing something silly because of peer pressure or because they want to be more popular or have more friends. After all, we as adults are still doing the same to certain extent, don't we?
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